Glenfrens Forever

What a crazy weekend! First of all I enjoyed sitting behind Michael Tindall inside Westminster Abbey on Friday for the British Royal Wedding, as an ambassador for Goruguay. It was perfect for discreet slumber and would have brought embarassment to Goruguay had I been caught on film.

Then they say Osama took a couple of bullets and USA is all very proud. See.. rumours of him seeking asylum in Goruguay were false. Interestingly buried at sea just like our own national custom. Some people say he isn't dead. But he probably will be soon in that bag at the bottom of the ocean.

I asked a few people down at the Pakistan Embassy in Fistanbul. But they knew nothing.

Is it a good thing, is it a bad thing? Only time will tell I suppose! It would be a bit like the Goruguayan equivalent of Jo Jangles getting a good dose of murderdom. He's essentially just a figurehead in Goruguay with no operation input into the land.

And the third item of news is the gravest of all.

The Count of Monte Fisto, Glenfren Asomvel has been a subject of great interest to the American organisation, the FBI, for several years now. In their ongoing mission of counter-terrorism they have apparently identified Glenfren as a threat to the United States and have linked him to the "Black Van Bombings" of 1978, Several years before he was born.

While on the way to a perfectly legitimate excursion to Sea World in Florida, Glenfren was detained at Miami Airport for allegedly providing false documentation. The staff were refusing to accept that he could have such a thing as a Gorwegian passport and questioned the authenticity of such a country. Following this insult to the nations of Goruguay, the FBI swooped down and seized him.

He is now in a holding cell being interrogated by Donald Trump who demands to see his birth certificate.

Unfortunately the way backward old Gorway works, citizens are not born but "created" and Glenfren only has a creation certificate. This is not acceptable to Trump, and the FBI are detaining Mister Asomvel indefinitely. This is highly disrespectful of Goruguayan culture and no matter what we say to them, they will not release him.

As a confidente of Glenfren I can assure that his terrorism only extends as far as secretly peeing on peoples' shoes while all are sat together around a table.

Gorway, and the other nations of Goruguay do not support Trump. Nor do they have much sophistication in the way of foreign policy.

It was suggested that we go to war with the USA. Fears of being overpowered by their muscle are one factor to consider. However we are a relatively small, enormous mythical collective and could likely hide the whole continental landmass for many many years while firing our sticks and sharpened fruit at the enemy. Much like Osama (except the fuit and sticks) and his band Al Qaeda (I saw them once, they weren't very good). But we have many American friends, and do not wish to be associated with patterns of real and horrific terrorism outside of Goruguayan waters, and most importantly would rather go to war with just Trump.

So with a heavy heart, its goodbye. Over seven years of winterblasting and ridiculo-rock with this icon of Goruguay.

Goruguay's finest orchestra is now without a sub-grrtar section until his release. But his release is no straightforward thing. So I will be seeking someone of great tolerance and a ridiculo-factor of 4 or above to complete the band once more. Americans are welcome. Except you Trump.

Hails from all of Goruguay to our friend, your friend. Glenfren.

Hail Goruguay. Hail Mister Asomvel. For the seven years, and beyond. Your legacy will continue in a song I'm sure.